When Ghost Hunting is So Boring, You'd Rather Not Hunt Ghosts - Hank'n Spank Review
I despise money-grubbing casual games. They provide short-lived forms of entertainment with no positive impact. Not to be confused with Candy Crush, Pako Highway, or any title with actual depth, but casual games built purely on unskippable ads existing just to convert wasted time into revenue. There’s nothing worse than a game that’s not only horrendous in design but also steals my time. Unfortunately, I was utterly disappointed to encounter this gaming nightmare in the form of Hank’n Spank.
Hank’n Spank is a free-to-play casual game where you play as a ghost hunter entering a haunted mansion to exterminate paranormal beings. You’re racing against the clock, and every idle second brings death closer. You’ll need to defeat ghosts to extend the timer to stay alive and loot new weapons along your journey.
Image Credited to Hank’n Spank | Brais Games
Hank’n Spank features pretty straightforward mechanics: You walk through the corridors of the haunted house, attack any supernatural monsters that come your way, block their incoming blows, loot chests for items, and keep moving to stay alive. Those options are the whole of the gameplay on offer here.
There aren’t any tutorials when starting Hank’n Spank, but you probably won’t need much help to understand the game’s fundamentals. Exploring the mysterious house is as easy as tapping the arrows on your screen; they’re pretty self-explanatory. Just bear in mind that you don’t have any leeway to stop in your tracks. Impending death chases after you, and it seems moving and attacking are the only way to keep it at bay. Death takes the form of black tentacles jumping out of the screen’s border once your brain meter depletes. As death draws closer, so do the number of tentacles appearing on the edge of your view, until eventually the entire screen turns black.
Image Credited to Hank’n Spank | Brais Games
As you navigate the eerie halls of the house, you’ll encounter ghosts, ghouls, and undead dogs. You must time your defense and attack wisely. Not only can too much patience end your game, but getting injured beyond recovery can also. You must block incoming blows and attack in response when opportune. Falling to zero health ends your ghost-bustin’ adventure.
If you’re accustomed to tap-and-move dungeon crawlers, Hank’n Spank follows a duller, watered-down formula. Simplicity usually complements casual games, but Hank’n Spank is extremely boring due to its overly streamlined gameplay. It took me no more than a few minutes to understand the general gist of the game once I started. I didn’t find the process of trying to survive difficult, but that’s only because the game required little to no effort.
Image Credited to Hank’n Spank | Brais Games
Beyond supernatural monsters, chests are littered around this house’s halls. Inside each chest lay either a weapon or a protective item that dissipates after death. However, most of these items serve merely as cosmetics, and only a few provide boosts like regenerating health, so don’t expect any help in collecting points. If you’d like to add a little challenge to Hank’n Spank, you can always attempt to collect all the available items in one run.
You’ll be forced to watch unskippable ads after every run or two in Hank’n Spank, making dying feel all the more painful. I wish the game had a small microtransaction to rid its gameplay experience of pesky interruptions. I’d be more inclined to pay a few bucks to save my time than to suffer yet another fifteen to twenty seconds of the most annoying mobile game ads imaginable. Trust me when I say I went absolutely nuts every half-minute or so when I faced one ad after another.
Hank’n Spank looks polished and well-put-together on the outside, but don’t be fooled by its appearance; it’s all a disguise for the poor game design within. The gameplay is dreadfully dull, and the ads just make the experience worse still. This is a game where sitting around and wasting your time means death. Well, it wasted my time, and I wish I could get that back. Instead, I’m just another step closer to oblivion with nothing to show for it. Thanks for nothing, Hank’n Spank.
SCORE: 1 STAR OUT OF 5
PLAY IF YOU LIKE:
• Watching ads. If you love watching game ads and have no issue spending most of your time on them, Hank’n Spank will happily fulfill all your wildest dreams when it comes to watching the same generic, aggravating mobile ads over and over.
• Arrow Fest. If you enjoy easily understandable and bland casual games like Arrow Fest, you may enjoy Hank’n Spank’s similar take on the genre. Both games are pretty boring, so if you’re a connoisseur of dull things, Hank’n Spank’s your calling.
💬 Have you played Hank’n Spank? Do you believe in ghosts? Booo~
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